Growing Pains
by Regina Halliwell
Summary: Sequel to History Repeating. Spoilers for A Year in the Life.


For those who are unaware, the "Sophia" is a Greek word meaning "wisdom." I would love to name Rory's baby after Richard or Emily but it seemed too trite for me (looking at you, JKR), so instead I went more abstract. It also fits in with Lorelai's middle name, "Victoria," which is the Latin word meaning "victory." Rather than having Rory's baby use some nickname of Lorelai that would just seem forced, I have her go by her middle name instead. Hope that makes sense!

* * *

Lorelai Sophia Gilmore is a May baby. Rory is so awed that there's this tiny human that she made and carried for all that time, and also scared that she's somehow going to get her daughter addicted to coffee or read her something totally inappropriate for her age.

The reigning Lorelai makes a joke that Rory must be just as hopped up on painkillers as she was to give another Gilmore girl the name Lorelai, but Rory doesn't seem to think it strange at all.

"We'll call her Sophia, or Sophie. She can decide if she wants to go by Lorelai when she gets older."

"That's just the drugs talking, honey," Lorelai placates her daughter. "Well, at least you made it all the way into your thirties before 'having a child out of wedlock.' No teen motherhood for you. It's a step up, I guess. I doubt my mother sees it that way."

"I don't think Grandma's going to care once she gets to hold her great-granddaughter."

"Aww, kid, the optimism fades with age. Don't worry."

* * *

Emily comes in from Nantucket the following week, giving her granddaughter time to adjust to new motherhood before swooping in.

Sure enough, the little bundle in her arms melts even Emily Gilmore's heart.

"I wanted to name her after Grandpa, but there just aren't any good feminine forms of Richard," Rory explains, taking a much needed break as Emily holds the baby. "But I thought Sophia might be a good alternative." It did honor her late grandfather well, after all, and Rory's love of learning too.

Emily looks at Rory with sparkling eyes, tears just on the edge, and nods.

* * *

Jess isn't at the hospital with her, and he's been a bit distant the past few days. Rory thinks he's trying to cut his losses in case she decides she has no room in her life for him with the baby around. She's determined to stop that train of thought before it destroys them both.

Luke is awkward with Sophia, but the more he holds her, the more comfortable he gets. Lorelai looks at him like she's not sure they made the right decision not to go ahead with surrogacy. They're both getting older, but Luke never really got to raise a kid, even though he was present for most of Rory's life and she has always looked up to him as a father figure.

Okay, a grumpy uncle. But still.

Rory asks Luke what Jess has been up to the past few days, and he doesn't quite meet her eyes as he says, "He's getting some things figured out with Truncheon, I think."

They opened a branch in Hartford a few months ago, and Jess mostly runs it, but usually remotely. He's been spending much more time there lately, and she hasn't seen him since just before Sophia was born.

* * *

Rory calls Logan over Skype, though she absolutely hates the whole thing. She has Sophia in her arms as the laptop rings in that artificial chime sound, and he finally picks up.

The look on his face is one of surprise when the image clears and he sees her holding what he correctly assumes is their baby.

"Ace, what happened? You were supposed to call me when you went into labor."

He could have flown over to be in the area; he knew when her due date was.

"It happened really fast," she says. "And I wasn't much use once they started with the drugs."

"Still," he says. "I wanted to be there."

"I know. But hey, look. She has your nose." Rory holds Sophia up to the camera so he can see his likeness in this squishy pink bundle, and despite the good signal, she knows there's no comparison to the real thing.

"You can come see her whenever you want, you know," she tells him. "I'm not trying to keep you away."

"You could have fooled me," he murmurs, but she lets it roll off her. "What did you name her, anyway?"

* * *

"Lane!" Rory stage whispers, hoping she can get her friend's attention without waking Sophia.

Lane comes into the room, a few diapers in one hand and a folded onesie in the other. "No green?" she asks, gesturing to the onesie. "I saw pop culture references, literary icons, and pretty much every color of the rainbow, but no green. Do we hate green now?"

Rory laughs, but her rumbling chest wakes Sophia, who starts to fuss.

"Oh, no," she moans, "she just got to sleep!"

"It'll be okay, Rory. Between me and your mom and Sookie, we've got you covered. That's probably a hungry cry, by the way," Lane says, gesturing to Sophia, whose arms are flailing and face is turning red.

Rory pulls her shirt to the side and unclasps her very unflattering bra, adjusting the baby so she's able to nurse, but as Sophia latches, Rory realizes, "Oh, god. I've become that person. That woman who just pops her boob out in public. What has happened to me?"

* * *

Sophia's almost a month old by the time Rory sees Jess again. They've talked over text and email, and even once on the phone when she called him angrily to ask where he'd gone.

They're not _together_ together, and he technically doesn't owe her anything, but they'd both be lying to themselves and each other if they said there wasn't something there. Him being gone like this is odd; they'd been practically inseparable for the past few months. Jess even works at the new and improved Stars Hollow Gazette office with Rory most days.

She's there one day, Sophia wrapped up and tucked across her chest as Rory works on an article for the next edition, when Jess opens the door.

He's always had a penchant for dramatic entrances and exits, and this is no exception.

"Babywearing, Gilmore?"

She turns to look at him, angry and indignant and happy to see him all at once.

"It's convenient," she insists. "And look, it has all these characters from children's literature on it."

"Next thing you'll be telling me you have a…yeah okay I don't know enough about pretentious baby objects to even tease you properly."

"Well then stop teasing me and come here. I want you to see her."

Jess is cautious as he approaches, seemingly wary of the infant wrapped up in illustrations of Matilda and Ramona Quimby and Harriet the Spy.

"Why Sophia?" he asks.

Rory shrugs, jostling her a bit. "I thought it was appropriate. I wanted to name her after my grandma or grandpa, but that seemed a little weird."

Jess nods in agreement. "I like it," he admitted. "It fits."

She smiles and inclines her head, looking at the sleeping infant in her arms. Then she looks up, her eyes hardening, and pinches him hard on the bicep. He flinches, brow furrowing as he gets angry.

"What was that for?"

"That was for going away for a month and for thinking I wouldn't want you here and for not being there when she was born."

He sobers. "I didn't think I should be there," he says. "That was a thing for you and your mom."

"I didn't mean in the delivery room, dummy. I just mean, there. I wanted you there with me. What is it going to take to get that through your head?"

He sighs, and kisses her on the cheek, and pulls up a chair at the other empty desk to write.

* * *

Rory shops around the manuscript for _Gilmore Girls_ with Jess's renewed assistance. She continued to work on it while he was gone, but between his absence and her having a newborn at home, she wasn't really getting much done anyway.

She has enough to send out inquiries, anyway, and he has some leads on literary agents.

It's comfortable, the two of them, and it's refreshing for them to be on even footing. It has always seemed like one of them was helping the other, but now they're just them. Complicated, sure, but equals.

And her mom likes him, she knows. They're family; she can hardly have objections to anyone who's related to the man she chose to marry.

Rory finishes the updated dedication page, which now simply reads: _To the newest Gilmore girl_. Rory acknowledges many more people in the book, but this page is just for Sophia. She hopes she can be her daughter's Lorelai and not her Emily.

* * *

Luke and Lorelai go fishing once she can be sure Rory can handle a couple of days on her own. They need the time alone, and helping Rory has taken a lot out of Lorelai.

Michel can handle the inn by himself, now that there's a massive spa in the annex in town, and she's blissfully unneeded by the Dragonfly for a whole weekend. She loves her job, but it's also nice to be away.

It's funny, because Lorelai and fishing don't exactly go together, but Luke knows he has her backed into a corner because she went on her _Wild_ trip alone last year, cleaning out R.E.I.'s camping inventory in the process. So now he gets her to go fishing with him, because she really has no excuse.

He promises no freeze-dried food this time.

* * *

Logan knocks on the door one afternoon, arriving unannounced, to find Jess holding his daughter, who's blowing raspberries and babbling incoherently. Rory fell asleep while reading over a chapter draft almost an hour ago, and Jess wants her to get as much sleep as she can, so when Sophia starts to fuss he picks her up and cradles her to him, going to answer the door.

Jess doesn't say anything. He's surprised to see the trust fund kid here, but he knows he's technically the one that doesn't belong.

Jess beckons with his head, inviting Logan to come sit in the living room while Rory naps in her bedroom. He gently brings Sophia down to hold her in his arms, offering the baby to Logan with a quiet, "Here."

Logan takes the little girl and looks at her wistfully for a few minutes. "She loves you, doesn't she?" he asks.

Jess knows he doesn't mean Sophia.

"I love her," he admits. "I think she might feel the same. I don't know if that means anything."

"It means that you're here, and I'm not," Logan says unhappily. He doesn't regret marrying Odette. They get along well enough, and the sex is pretty good. He's glad to be on his father's good side, for once, and to be following the family plan. If it means he has to miss out on this, though, it's not ideal.

"I'm not trying to be her dad," Jess protests, thinking Logan is mad at him.

"No, you should," Logan says. "Rory'll need someone, and it might as well be you. You're the better man, Jess."

Jess shakes his head, disbelieving the conversation they're having.

"If she loves you, then you're the better man," Logan insists. "She doesn't love me anymore, not really. Maybe she did, once, but last year was just… an itch, I think."

"Some itch," Jess mutters.

"Yeah, well. I should be going." Logan looks down at the little girl. "It's better this way."

* * *

The first sounds Sophia mutters are "baba" which Jess insists must mean "book" and Rory says probably mean "bottle."

They take turns reading to Sophia every night before he heads home, though, so he's probably right.

* * *

They're at Luke's one morning when Jess mentions something about Truncheon's Hartford location needing traveling reps to visit parts of New England to market and recruit.

Rory's alarmed; Jess might be in charge there, but he could still end up being the one to go. Plus, he's got a lot of Kerouac in him and doesn't mind the transient life.

She doesn't want him to go. She can't ask him to stay.

He stays anyway, and chooses some intern to go on the road.

* * *

His latest book gets picked up by a slightly larger publisher, and Jess does need to do some press for it. He has some copies of it for friends and family, and he gives her one before he leaves for his press tour. She knows she won't get to it for a while yet, but smiles and promises to read it soon. She read early drafts of it, but not the finished manuscript.

He hugs her gently and spares her a weighty glance before he leaves, and Sophia starts to cry when he walks out the door. Rory comforts her daughter, whose attachment to Jess grows every day that he's in their lives. She's grown attached to him too, and can't imagine a life without him in it anymore. It's this unspoken thing between them, the thing they dance around but never actually discuss.

She won't ask him to be a father to Sophia (though he already spends nearly every day with her), and nor will she ask him to wait around like Luke did for her mom. He won't presume to insinuate himself into her life (officially, at least) and prefers to leave things as they are.

It's probably also that were they to really start something up again, they both know this would be their last chance. Neither of them is willing to make that leap if they're not sure.

She opens the book, curiosity getting the better of her. The dedication page jumps out at her, its sparse text reading only: _To Rory and Sophia, the loves of my life._

Rory checks that Sophia is sleeping again, secure in her crib, and rushes out the door, sure that Jess is already gone. He's standing on the porch like he knows she'll come out, and the expression on his face betrays everything they've both left unsaid over the past year—more, over the past decade.

He wants to try. He loves her. He loves Sophia.

She laughs. "Well, that's one way to tell a girl you love her."

"You know me, better with the writing than the speaking."

She want to say some sort of comeback—their banter is such a part of who they are—but she needs to be kissing him. They've been waiting for this for so long, and she can't stand to be near him a moment longer without touching him, holding him. She folds into his embrace like she never left it, and they both know this is the real thing.

* * *

Lorelai jokes about them being "kissing cousins" but Rory knows she approves.

They upgrade her twin bed to a full and exchange retro vinyl for babysitting times with Lane.

When Rory _finally_ sleeps with Jess, Lorelai teases her; "Hon, it's about damn time. You've only had the hots for that boy for fifteen years."

Rory blushes, remembering moments with Jess from the previous night. "It was worth the wait."


End file.
